Well. What can I say, everything has fallen apart.
I fell in love. And then, we broke up. I finally find the guy I can see me spending my future with, and it all ends. Why? I don't even understand.... This one was "The One", nothing even comes close to how I felt, and still do feel, about him. To have it taken away so abruptly hurts physically. When "The One" told me, I was literally heart-broken. I couldn't imagine not being with him. Everything I wont get to share with him again, the good times we had, everything.... Earlier, I thought I'd accepted it, judging by the way I feel now, I was completely wrong.
What am I supposed to do? Move on... accept it... forget about it? I don't want any of those things... I want "The One".
It just seems like, every time I get close to someone, be it a love interest, or friend, I get pushed away. Now, is it just me, or is there a pattern emerging here? What is it that people don't like about me? Why does everyone suddenly pull back, and then eventually cut off all contact? I do my best to try and please them, while trying to stay happy myself, and yet it still all falls apart. I thought that "The One" was going to be different... that we'd keep getting closer, and closer, and that there was actually a future in it. That eventually we could settle down together, do all that sort of thing. But no, it ends before it even really started.
Everyone keeps saying "things will get better"... I say... Tell me how, and when, 'cos right now, things look bleak and don't look like they're going to improve much. Ok, so I meet new people, make new friends, and then it all happens again, and again, and again. When will things get better?
I know it's not "The One's" fault, if it's not working for him, then it's not a good idea to carry on, it'd just end up with both of us getting hurt. But knowing that doesn't make things any easier. No-one compares to "The One" and I don't know how I'll even look at anyone else in the same way.
The only thing I can think of doing right now, is meeting some people, and getting totally drunk, so I don't have to think about any of this any more. I wont turn to alcohol, but just for one night, I don't want to cry, and I don't want to think about any of the crap stuff. Go out with some people, drink, and dance. And so, tomorrow night, even though I have a tonne of Uni work to do, that's what I'm going to do. I'm not going out to pull, or to meet a new guy, just to get drunk so I don't have to think about this. The, once that's over, I'll get my Uni work out of the way, and take things from there.
Well... That was quite the post, if only I could use these things for my essays...
Time to go before I bore you too much.
Darren
xxx