Ok. It's 4:43am and I've just got back from work. Not in a great mood. crappy customers at the bar I work in doesn't help.
Yesterday sent a message to the Oracle, basically stating the fact I'm not happy that we don't talk any more. Considering we split on good terms, I don't think this was too unreasonable....
I know he's going through a lot at the moment, but I can't keep thinking of others all the time. I spend about 75% of my life worrying about everyone else, and often tend to overlook how I'm doing. I think it's about time I got a little more selfish and started to do what's best for me. Like I say, we split on good terms, he was the first person I actually liked, and could see myself "with". So it hurts even more when we don't talk any more. I said when we split, "If I can't have you as a partner, then at the very least, I'd like us to remain friends." As much as it's hurting at the moment, I don't think I could cope if yet another "friend" just cut me out of their life and didn't bother any more. I've had more than enough people already, and for someone I like this much to do the same kinda pushes me over the edge.
I started off yesterday in a really good mood, I managed to finish one essay, leaving me the whole of today to do the second. And then I got a reply from the Oracle, saying "I can't deal with this right now, my heart's breaking" [because of his Ex], well... sorry if it seems a little egocentric... but how the hell am I supposed to feel?
Anyway, with that said, I think it's seriously time I started thinking about myself, and what's best for me, for a while. Worrying about "friends" and trying to help them has made me lose sight of what I'm going through. I'm going to sort myself out before I try to help them.
I was thinking earlier today, just in general about "bad" stuff that's going on in the world, and how some people think they have it so bad because they don't know how to deal with their trivial and petite problems. I mean, can they not think of anything else other than "what do I do if people don't like what I'm wearing?". Seriously, I really do think it's about time that those people who spend all their time looking at stupid little problems they have, should take the time to expand their knowledge of what's going on in the world, maybe then, they'll be able to overcome such trivial issues. I think today was the day I lost faith in people. you hear about people that give their time to others, trying to help in any way they can, but you don't hear about them nearly as often as those who are mostly self-centred, egocentric, and down-right idiotic. All through life we're taught to be "good" people, but to be honest, very few people actually take this on board, leaving those who do to struggle through life.
I really should get back to writing this essay, so I'll leave it there for now.
bye x
Thought of the Day:
You can help change the world with one act of random kindness every day.